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The Bushranger

Humourous homebrew 3.5 spells...

Yes, my mind is one scary place...

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Smite Catgirl
Evocation/Necromancy (Death)
Level: Clr2, Death2, Pal1, Sor/Wiz2
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Close
Effect: Ray
Target: Catgirl
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No

A thin, pink ray of pure science springs from your pointing finger. You must make a successful ranged touch attack to hit.

The spell effect depends on the type of target. A being that has been Transformed into a Catgirl by a magical spell will have the spell dismissed. A being that is a "natural" Catgirl will take 2d6 points of damage per caster level. Any Catgirl reduced to 0 or fewer hit points by this spell is entirely disintegrated.

Only the first creature or object struck can be affected; that is, the ray affects only one target per casting.

Material Component
One small fragment of a page from a science textbook.

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Summon Tumbleweed
Conjuration
Level: Brd0, Dru0, Rgr1, Sor/Wiz0
Components: S, M
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Close
Effect: Produces one or more Tumbleweeds (see notes)
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No

This spell summons a single Tumbleweed into existance, completely matured and ready to roll, along with a slight breeze for propulsion of said Tumbleweed.

Higher level casters can choose to produce additional Tumbleweeds, up to a limit of one Tumbleweed for every two caster levels.

Material Component
A pinch of desert sand.

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Summon Condiments
Conjuration (Creation)
Level: Sor/Wiz 2
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Close
Effect: 4 ounces/level
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No

This spell, when cast, produces 4 ounces per caster level of assorted condiments.

The effects vary depending on the target, and come in an assortment of one, two or three types of condiment, at the DM's discretion.

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Summon Mass Condiments
Conjuration
Level: Sor/Wiz 6
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Effect: 1m condiments produced/level 6th or higher
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Fort half
Spell Resistance: No

This spell causes a minimum of 1 square meter of assorted condiments to materialise in the air above the selected target, with the following results predictable under the laws of gravity.

The effects vary depending on the target, and come in an assortment of one, two or three types of condiment, at the DM's discretion. Targeting an aquatic creature, for instance, would produce tartar sauce, cocktail sauce, and malt vinegar; a werewolf, on the other hand, would receive ketchup, mustard and pickle relish.

This spell deals 1d4 points of damage to the target per caster level of 6th or above, and also deals 1 point of temporary CON damage for every three caster levels of 6th or above. This temporary damage remains until the target either showers, or eats a hearty meal.

Material component: One set of flatware.

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