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Rebonack

Dungeons of Doom™

Ages ago the amulet of Yendor was hidden deep within the dungeons of doom.  It... isn't really clear what the amulet does, or what's it's for, or why anyone in their right mind would risk their life to get it.  But people still trek down into those doom filled dungeons none the less.

Maybe it's more of the journey rather than the destination.  Truth be told many have made quite the fortune failing to find the amulet.  Either way, this expedition will be just one of many.  Many that have failed, that is.  Usually failed in a fashion that involves gratuitous amounts of death, dismemberment, and being petrified because someone forgot to put on gloves when they picked up the cockatrice corpse.

Clearly enough, this will be a dungeon crawl.  A rather zany dungeon crawl no less.  But such things usually are.  Especially when you consider who created this sprawling labyrinth.  If the tales are to be believed it is the work of none other than Prancibald.

The Wizard Who Did It.

So expect strange and inexplicable things.  Expect magic mouths and dancing lights to call attention to not particularly well hidden secret doors.  And above all expect utterly Random Encounter™s.

Our adventure begins in a wide grassy meadow.  The sort that usually has a pleasant breeze blowing through it with a few rocks scattered here and there.  A few trees are off in the distance and the dusty path the party had walked down to reach this point is plainly in view.

Who knows where they met.  Probably swallowed and adventuring hook at a nearby tavern or something.  Or maybe they had heard about the place while dwelling in some far off land and decided to check things out.  Regardless of the reason they're now standing in front of a door.

It isn't a terribly large door.  Though it is terribly peculiar.  Mainly because it's just sitting there in the middle of the field for no readily apparent reason.  To make the situation even stranger is the fact that a large flashing sign above the door reads as follows:  'Dungeons of Doom: Entrance'.  Behind the door is more field.  Inside the door is a staircase leading down into the inky bowels of the dungeon.

Upon being opened a magic mouth will be triggered.

"Welcome to the secret entrance of the Dungeons of Doom™!  You are thusly welcomed to these dungeons!  Please keep in mind that by crossing this threshold you agree to the terms and license as outlined in the Dungeons of Doom™ pamphlet in your back pocket.  You hereby take all responsibility and wave Wizard Who Did It Inc for liability in regards to any bodily harm, transformation, or insanity that you experience while within the Dungeons of Doom™.  Wizard Who Did It Inc is not responsible for lost, damaged, or eaten equipment.  The Dungeons of Doom™ is an official Safelight® certified dungeon crawl and as such offers complimentary lighting services in its facilities."

"Children under the age of fifteen are not admitted to the Dungeons of Doom™.  If you are pregnant, about to become pregnant, or the product of a pregnancy the Dungeons of Doom™ may be hazardous to your continued existence.  Side effects to proper use of the Dungeons of Doom™ include, but are not limited to:  puncture wounds, petrifying, polymorphing, spontaneous immolation, explosive flatulence, disintegrating flu, desiccation, malnourishment, mastication, life-force draining, and mild cases of death.  If you experience any of these symptoms please see your cleric immediately."

"The Dungeons of Doom™ are a service of Wizard Who Did It Inc, all rights reserved, all reserves copied, all copies written, all writs extended, all extensions extendable."
Terumitsu

The 'Great Adventurer' Ifriver Calsk tromped rather jovialy through the field and came upon the door and the said message. Well, that was certanly an odd thing. He shrugged it off though and adjusted his spectacles as he decided to flip through the pamphlet.. Of course he had to.. otherwise those bumbling types that don't do anything right would likely have no person to inform their lacking brains. Scratching at his green stubble, he looked up at the door again and then took a seat. Though he did check what the pamplet was made of, just incase they needed to start a fire or something.

Actions:
Spoiler:

Read the pamphlet and check material for burnability (That plastic stuff is horrible firestarter).

Uberblah

Grammald Leafweaver, a dusty, old hermit from the mountains, listens to the voice with curiousity. He reaches into his back pocket, and lo and behold, there's a pamphlet. He too reads it.
Kyrian

Malik reads the words and carries his greathammer at ready.
Miatog

The one who open the door was a little fat man, wearing brown shorts and a Hawaiian T-Shirt so loud that you can almost hear it scream. He has a pair of glasses resting on his forehead that almost look like a second pair of eyes. Around his neck is a black camera with a long lens.

Next to him is a chest, it’s not a very special looking chest. It looks like what you might expect to see pirates digging up or burying. It’s made of wood and has brass finishing and looks very heavy. Yet somehow, it also seems like it’s keeping watch for it’s absentminded owner. There’s nothing about it that could possibly be mistaken for a face...yet you know that it’s looking around...

“This is wonderful! A real secret door to a secret dungeon!” The tourist looks at his back pocket to find the pamphlet exactly where he was told it would be and looks it over. “How exciting!” He drops it in the chest and the lid closes....wait a second...when did he open the lid?

The Tourist is named Threestem and seems totally oblivious to the danger they’re about to walk into.

Spoiler:

Threestem: Read pamphlet. Drop in The Luggage.
The Luggage: File away pamphlet

DeBunny

A small little lizard man, a kobold, skitters around the door, examining it and looking generally thoughtful.
He also seems to be memorizing the words spoken, quietly reciting them under his breath.
Deekin thinks this will make an excellant story!

He'd simply followed the tales of adventure, to create a story and perhaps finally become a famous kobold and make his master proud.
Rebonack

Sadly the paper is that nasty plasticish laminated stuff that pamphlets are normally made out of.  So it won't really burn all that well.  A real shame, truth be told.  Though with enough magical fire anything is possible.

Along with Ifriver is his present companion, rather un-imaginatively named 'Puff'.  Now, mind you, Puff isn't an invisible imaginary dragon.  Nor is he a visible imaginary dragon.  Nor is he the real visible sort.  Rather, he's a pseudodragons that is doing a spectacular job of romping about in the tall grass and pouncing on grasshoppers.

The grasshoppers are certainly getting the less desirable end of this relationship what with being snatched up and devoured.

The rambunctious little animal happens to possess a personality rather like a scaly cat with wings.  Which means that he believes himself to be the most important being in existence and that all others should dote on his every cute action.  Which is why he's presently telepathically 'yelling' to everyone in range.

Hey!  I caught a field mouse!  Who wants the back half?  I already ate the head!

Spoiler:

Full round action:  Run around catching vermin.

DeBunny

Deekin looks towards the little dragon-with-a-cat's-mind and raises a hand.
Deekin will take the half!

Spoiler:


Free action: Speak

Rebonack

Since character interaction is a good thing, and since Draken still hasn't posted, Puff suddenly pops out of the grass in a spray of fluff and chaff and dust and various grass seeds and begins to hover just above the kobold with the half-mouse tangling tantalizingly from his lil' feet.

He also makes a funny airy chirping noise.  Probably the pseudodragon equivalent of laughter.

The critter has dusty green and olive colored scales, little stripes of dull dead grass yellow running up and down his body.  The wings have something of a fuzzy, downy brown leading edge to them, probably to reduce the sound made from flapping for those important moments when he's descending out of the air to snatch up a rodent.  The same fuzz can be found over most of the critter's back and down to the first fourth or so of the tail.  Bright yellow eyes scrutinize the kobold, working out the proper taunting distance at which to hold his half-eaten trophy.

Spoiler:

Full round action: Taunt the kobold.

Miatog

Threestem looks over at the dragon and starts taking pictures. “Fascinating!” By the look on his face you’d think that he was watching some king of local act or exotic creature. “I say, where can I buy one of those? It’s so adorable.” Maybe both...

The Luggage is watching the dragon carefully, it seems to be a little weary of him, not too fond of his little prank.

Spoiler:

Threestem: Full round action: Take pictures of the dragon.
The Luggage: Watch Puff

DeBunny

Deekin frowns a bit, getting the distinct impression that Puff isn't just going to give him the mouse-bit.
Deekin come and get the mouse?
And thus the kobold begins moving towards the pseudodragon.

Spoiler:


Move action: Towards Puff

Terumitsu

Well, it seemed that there was going to be a little time before everyone was ready anyway. One of the nice things about having the power to bend the cosmos to your will was the ability to do this:

Ifriver snapped his fingers and pointed at his hair. It changed from that odd dark green (he had played around with a Rod of Wonder when he was younger.. Fun, but he couldn't get his hair or eyes back how they used to be.. At least it garnered attention and that was what mattered. Besides, people would recognize him right off that way) to cycle through a full rainbow of colors. For the next hour, stranger things than usual will likely happen around Ifriver.

But buying a psudodragon? You don't 'buy' anything like my draconian friend here. No, you must be worthy of it. Only a few are capable of seeing them as the exquisite beings they are. Though there are a petty few that do sell their eggs at astronomical prices. But I wouldn't expect many merchants to understand. Obviously, the sorcerer thought rather highly of the creature... And Puff being his familiar rather reinforced that. But still, there were things that were rather hard to put a price on.

Spoiler:

Cast Prestidigitation. Had fun with it. Will likely make funny things happen for a while. Hassled the tourist.

Rebonack

Puff continues to hover about just above the kobold's head, keeping the dead rodent just out of grasping range for the little scaly bugger.  The wings are presently kicking up a smallish cloud of dust and otherwise spooking small insects which do a wonderful job of fleeing the general area.

You're gonna have to jump!
the flying lizard taunts.

And this is about the time that he picks up the talk of selling such wonderful creatures such as himself.  So incensed is he by this slight, this bumbling human calling him a pet that he forgets all about hanging onto the mouse.  Shortly there after it should be dropping into the kobold's grasping range.

He begins the soon to come tirade with a derisive snort.

How dare you insinuate that I'm of the caliber of some pet bird or an ape one would keep on a leash!  I'm a proud draconic beast, worthy of admiration and respect,
at this point Puff rather aptly puffs out his little chest. You would do well to take note of my good Ifriver's treatment of me and strive to emulate it.

Spoiler:

Move action:  Continue to hover.
Free Action: Drop the mouse
Free Action: Berate the tourist

Miatog

Threestem smiles as he continues to take pictures. “You have got to be the most adorable thing I have ever seen!” He feels a nudge at his leg and looks down to the Luggage. “What do you want?”

The Luggage sits there...and somehow...conveys the impression that Threestem should apologize...without really looking any different...

Threestem looks to Puff. “Terribly sorry. You are quite right, you will be a mighty and magnificent dragon.”

Spoiler:

Threestem: Take Pictures and talk.
The Luggage: Advise

Uberblah

After finishing with the pamphlet, Grammald watches the others. He wonders how he got stuck with this group of apparent morons.

Spoiler:

Full round action: Watch others and think

Draken Frosthand

Behold! For the great Sir Spizzle, the Fel Rider, the Wrathbringer, the Wolflord. Stands in the scene with all his might.

Except he doesn't stand 'cause he's mounted.

And he' snot mighty 'cause he's a goblin.

Spoiler:

No action at all.

Kyrian

Malik takes some practice swings with the great hammer.

Spoiler:

HOME RUN!

Rebonack

The teeny dragon huffs at Threestem, apparently none to impressed by the apology.  The lizard flaps back over to his ever-present companion and proceeds to glower a the tourist from the tall grass.  Oh ho!  He'll get his soon enough!

Spoiler:

Full-round action: Be a sulking lizard.



Ah excellent.  That means everyone is here.  And I do mean everyone.  Six PCs, an animal companion, a familiar, and... a tourist.  No doubt this adventure will be a zany one.  You know, incase the opening post hasn't already made that abundantly clear.

So this is the time that the GM will shove everyone down the stairs.  Suggest the lots of you cast any buffs you feel like casting before setting foot down in the dungeon.  Because things will be getting interesting right off the bat.

So down the stairs the party will go.

In all likelihood what greets them upon entry is... not quite what they were expecting.  The chamber is quite spacious.  Quite spacious indeed.  And the scent is quite pleasant.  Exactly what one would imagine a bakery would smell like.  There's good reason for this, you see.

Because the first floor in the dungeons of doom is apparently a bakery.

The walls are lined with shelves weighted down with confections of every imaginable kind.  Cookies, cakes, pies, doughnuts, breads both soft and hard.  Fruit filled treats.  Meat filled treats.  Some things sweet, others hearty.  But all looking quite tasty.

At the opposite end of the room is a  ten foot wide counter with a fellow in stereotypical chef garb standing behind it.  There's something immediately obvious that he isn't quite right.  Perhaps it's the fact that his hat is no shorter than six feet.  Or the fact that he has eyebrows of equal length.  Or the fact that he's presently brandishing a ladle at the party.

"You haven't come to buy crab cakes!" he hollers.

Behind him is a massive pair of double doors.  The sort one might expect to see leading to a kitchen.  South of the party's position is a hallway leading off to heavens knows where.

Spoiler:

Weee!  It's a map!



Each square represents the middle of a ten foot by ten foot section of the room.  The symbols are as follows going clockwise.

DarkGreen @: Threestem (Miatog)
Brown m:  The Luggage (Miatog)
LightGreen @:  Malik (Kyrian)
Orange d: Spizzle mounted on his wolf (Draken)
Purple @:  Ifriver (Teru)
Olive D: Puff (Rebonack)
Blue @:  Grammald (Uber)
Yellow k:  Deekin (DeBunny)

Dark Purple @:  Crazy Bakery Clerk

If you want a different color or think your color is too hard to see just tell me.

Uberblah

Grammald pays little attention to the baked goods, though it's been awhile since he's eaten. Couple of days, but whose counting. Instead, he casts a protective spell on himself.

Spoiler:

Full round action: Cast Sanctuary (Permanent)

Terumitsu

Ifriver, his hair changing from radioactive blue to bio-hazard purple, decided to speak with the man. There must be some reason why there would be a person just setting up shop here. And of course:
Good sir. Whatever do you mean by us not coming to buy crab cakes? I see many other sorts of cakes here.  But is this shop here for the conveniently hapless traveler? I must say it is certainly an.. odd.. choice of locations.
He spoke while moving closer, shouting across a room was rather rude.

Spoiler:

Move action. Attempted diplomacy check.

DeBunny

Deekin, meanwhile, begins investigating the closest shelf and makes a point of positioning the rest of the party in between himself and the cook.
He'll probably try to nick a few of the more transportable goods and stuff them into his backpack.

Spoiler:


Move action: To closest wall, probably in an upwardly direction on the map.  Right behind the stairs.
Skill check (bluff): To try and take goodies form shelf.

Draken Frosthand

Behold for Sir Spizzle looks menacing.

Well, his wolf does.

Spoiler:

Full Round Action: nothing really.

Miatog

As Threestem goes down the stairs....the Luggage follows...by itself....on hundreds of little feet that go shlop with each step. Threestem takes pictures of all of the shelves, grinning away. As the chef speaks, he look over and smiles. “Crab cakes? Why that sounds wonderful. How much?”

The Luggage settles back down, the feet somehow gone. It seems very uneasy with the chef....despite not having any face with which to have an expression, yet, here it sits, clearly uneasy about the chef....

Spoiler:

Threestem: Take pictures
Free action: Barter
Luggage Ready Action: Protect Threestem from chef

Kyrian

Malik watches the others as his player rereads some posts.

Spoiler:

Watch others.

Rebonack

Puff's scales get very shimery as he begins to blend in with his surroundings.  Probably doing this since he has the feeling that life is about to get significantly more complicated.

Spoiler:

Move Action:  Hide in plain sight.



The crazy confections clerk gives Ifriver the evil eye as he speaks, apparently unmoved by his brief response.  "The bunt cakes don't believe you..." comes a suspicious response as he levels the ladle at the sorcerer, waving it about menacingly.  "And this in an IDEAL location for a bakery!  Where else would the head chef find powdered doom?"

As soon as Deekin shoves one of the pastries into his back a loud, squeaking alarm begins to sound through the room.  And at this sound the baker roars with fury.  "You have come to steal our secret family recipe!"  He then leaps atop the counter, brandishing a spatula that looks far larger than a spatula has any business being.  "But you will steal only the bitter yeast of defeat!"

And then... he picks up a piece of cake off the counter and devours it, all the while gnashing his teeth at the party.

Spoiler:

Updated Map!



Changed some icon colors around to make them easier to see.

DeBunny

Deekin quickly puts the backpack back on his back ((Hehe)) and moves down a little bit to peek around the staircase, to actually see things.

Spoiler:


Move Action: Move down to get line of sight on chef

Miatog

Threestem, obvious to the danger as always, keeps taking pictures of the chef. ”What a fascinating example of a combat chef! Wait until the others back home see this!”

The Luggage is much, much, much less impressed with the chef and instead gets back up on it’s feet and leans slightly toward the chef. It seems to be growling though isn’t making any actual sounds. It’s getting ready to protect it’s master should the chef get too close.

Spoiler:

Threestem: Standard action: Take more pictures.
Luggage: Readied action: Attack anything hostile that gets within 10 feet of him or Threestem.

Uberblah

Grammald sits where he is and sighs waiting for someone to get hurt.

Spoiler:

Action: Wait

Draken Frosthand

Spizzle looks up at the chef, and shouts.

Is it your intent to bring us harm?!

Spoiler:

Full round action: Make stupid question.

Terumitsu

Irfiver sighed and made a motion like he was tossing something. Watch your step he muttered and silvery sparks appeared to fall on the ground in the shape of caltrops. Those woul hurt when they were stepped on...

Oh, and his hair was now mashed potato gravy brown.. Or well cooked thanksgiving turkey brown. Just not earth brown or sewage brown... Not yet at least.

Spoiler:

Cast Caltrops at the range of 35 feet (Or maximum range if I miscalculated). One point should be directly in the line between the cook and the party while the other is just south of that one as to make a short line.

Rebonack

Puff, who is presently quite busy blending in with his surroundings, decides to go flapping off to a better position.  Where a better position is hovering in mid-air above a direct line of sight between himself and his master a good fifteen feet away or so.  The reason for this is very simple you see.

Should the crazed baker decide to rush the party with that nasty spatula of his, or more specifically decide to rush the general location of Ifriver with that nasty spatula of his, then that will bring the clerk well within stinging range.  And while the sting of the little lizard is by no means the most painful thing in the world getting jabbed in the back of the neck does tend to ruin one's focus.  Especially when one is rendered catatonic shortly after said stinging.

Puff can't help but snicker mentally in respect to his devious plan.  No doubt his partner has been witness to such behavior before.

Spoiler:

Move Action:  Buzz about 15 toward the Crazed Clerk whilst hidden.  Hover 8 feet off the ground.
Free action:  Giggle telepathically, dodge on the chef

Once Kyrian posts I'll update the map and so forth.

Kyrian

Malik raises an eyebrow, debating on attempting a home run with the clerk.

Spoiler:

Raise eyebrow, debate on hitting the clerk.

Rebonack

With a  blood curdling battle-cry of "Soufflé!" the crazed clerk leaps off his perch and rushes the party with his deadly spatula raised high.  An incredibly deadly spatula I might add.  The sort you scrape baked on refuse off of trays with.

And so he comes charging toward the goblin and his mount.  Because everyone knows that goblins are filthy little thieves.  And so he's hefting his spatula at a certain goblin.

Or at least he would have if not for blundering over a bunch of caltrops.  One of the pointy things manages to punch through his boots.  As such, he's hurting pretty well now.  He begins to hop about on one foot rather than, you know, harming people.

Puff decides that this would be a great opportunity to zip over and try to stab the already injured man in the neck.  And so that's exactly what he does.  The little lizard shimmers back into view upon attack, indeed jabbing the guy.  The wound looks like it would have hurt, which the chef confirms by howling in pain.  The quick blood-spurt really seems to support this.  The pseudodragon then darts off again toward the ceiling, chattering hysterically as he once more shimmers out of view.

Spoiler:

Chef Full Round: Charges the party and fails to hurt anyone sans himself.

Puff Move Action: Spring attack out to the chef and then back up to the ceiling.  Standard action: Sting.  Right in an artery too.  Got to look out for those crits.

Updated Map

The black pointy thing is, of course, where the caltrops are

Miatog

Threestem steps forward to try and get a better picture of Puff stabbing the chef. Upon failing, he lets his camera hang from his neck while he watches....with fascination and awe....he does know that his very life has been threatened....doesn’t he?

The Luggage sees his chance and charges at the clerk. It opens its lid to reveal several rows of very sharp teeth, it’s the kind of mouth you would expect to see on a shark. His tongue, a very disturbingly bright shade of red, hangs out of its mouth for a moment. It uses its tongue to try and pull the chef into it’s gaping mouth and try to bite him, following which will be an attempt to swallow him whole, into the blackness of its mouth...
Spoiler:

Threestem:five foot step forward.
Luggage: Move action, 20 feet in front of the chef.
Standard action: Bite attack with flavor!

Uberblah

((Miatog, you mean the "clerk" not the "cleric" right?))

Grammald sighs and shakes his head at the events happening.

Spoiler:

Full round action: Being annoyed at the stupidity of this

Terumitsu

Taking a few steps forward, Ifriver let loose that ever handy spell of arcane homing missiles with a cry. Now while he wasn't constrained to the exacting gestures as a wizard would be and had a little more leeway in terms of how it fired, how he got one streak of blue-white force to spell out "Dibs on the bunt cakes" in Portuguese was still rather unusual. Even more so than the electric green color of his hair at the moment.

Spoiler:

Ten foot move action to the east. Cast Magic Missle and called dibs on the funny circle shaped cakes in a language likely not known by many people in this setting.

Kyrian

Malik steps over to the clerk, and if no one objects, feels it's time for a facial home run.

Spoiler:

Swing at the clerk's face.

DeBunny

Deekin watches all this with curiousity and looks at his little mining pick.
The little kobold begins trying to move around the group and perhaps get around the clerk as well.
Maybe attack him from behind or something.

Spoiler:


Move Action: Circle around others and chef as his movement speed allows.

Draken Frosthand

Spizzle takes the actions as answer for his (stupid) question,and decides to act.

And by "act" we mean, of course, firing a bolt of eldritch power against the enemy, then steering his mount to a better position.

Spoiler:

Standard action: fire eldritch blast against the chef
Move action: move to a better position.

Rebonack

And 'lo, a bolt of energy strikes the chef, burning a nice little hole in his otherwise white chef outfit.  Really not too sure what the bolt looks like.  Draken may get points for describing them in a bit more detail.  Until that point Rebo will say that the projectile bears an uncanny resemblance to a yellow rubber ducky fired at high velocity.  The wolf then moves off to a 'better position'  Rebonack really isn't sure where that will be, but he'll assume that it's up on the stairs to give the goblin a further height advantage.  In the future it would be best to define movement with both a direction and a distance.

And so the chef continues with his general unpleasantness to everyone in his general vicinity.  To that end he attempts to clobber the luggage upside the... ummm... flank?  Hard to really point out anatomy on such a thing.  This results in a resounding *PANG* as the weapon bounces off the trunk's rather hard surface.

The lil' kobold goes scampering up behind the clerk and provides him with a mighty pick-axe swing!  Unfortunately the chef has the state of mind to use the butt of his spatula to simply hold the kobold out of swinging range.  Like one of those bullies putting a hand on someone's forehead while the kid being held flails his arms impotently.  It probably looks rather silly.

And it is now that the Luggage delivers its wicked bite of bitefulness.  And oh does it ever bite well.  On the fellow's arm, specifically.  The chef howls in pain as he finds his arm being clamped down on rather hard.

And so with the chef rather restrained Malik approaches with a blood freezing berserker yell and brings his war-maul down on the clerk's head, which obligingly bursts like a jelly doughnut that was just bitten to hard by an over-enthusiastic doughnut eating... person.

Which of course means that Ifriver doesn't have to bother using those magic missiles of his.  Isn't that just nice?

Puff comes flapping down from the ceiling and lands on the cash-register, looking for all the world as though he had just single-handedly defeated the knave.  The fact that he broadcasts, Ha!  That fiend didn't know what he was getting into.  Thanks for the help everyone, you did a good job of distracting him.

For no readily apparent reason the chef's corpse then vanishes in a puff of plaid smoke, leaving his spatula and an exceptionally shiny ring behind.

Spoiler:

The evil confection clerk is defeated!



Puff: Move action, land on the counter and boast.

Kyrian

Malik grins at his victory and hefts his hammer over his shoulders.
Spoiler:

Heft hammer over shoulders.

DeBunny

Deekin makes an irritated "yip" sound at the being held at bay, but upon the chef's defeat, scurries over to investigate the goodies.

Spoiler:


Move Action: To the goodies!

Miatog

Threestem stops taking pictures once the chef is first hit, not because it’s too ugly, not because he’s too scared, but because he’s completely in awe. “I say! What a wonderful fight! Good show! Did you do that just for me? Thank you ever so much!” He resumes taking pictures of Puff standing so triumphantly when there’s a knocking on the lens.

“Monsieur, I must request zat you be kind on your pictures. Zee roll, it is how you say, full.” Right there in the lens, is a small person talking in a French accent. He’s wearing a barrette, a green cloth overall with splashes of paint. He has one of those thin mustaches that wiggles around every time he moves his lips. He closes the lens and marches into the camera.

Threestem looks over at the Luggage. It moves over to him and opens the lid by itself. There is Threestem’s laundry, smelling slightly of a spring day clean and pressed. No sign of any teeth, no sign of a big red tongue, no sign of the arm that it just bit. Threestem pulls the film real out and drops it in before fishing around for a new one to put in.

Spoiler:

Threestem: Full Round Action: change film.
Luggage: Standard Action: Bring Threestem’s laundry back.
Move Action: Go back to Threestem.

Uberblah

Grammald decides that he'll go check out the door behind the counter. He tries to hear what's to come

Spoiler:

Move action: Walk to the door behind the counter.
Standard action: Perform a listen check (14 + 6)

Terumitsu

Well, Ifriver still had claim to the bunt cakes. And it was good that he didn't need to cast any other spells at least. In any case, he tried to detect magic on the items. You know... To see if either of those things were of any value.

And oddly enough, his hair had returned to it's 'normal' color as it was his fingertips now having the odd effects. They glowed in pretty colors, not more than a candle glow, but still something to look at. Besides, with a little alteration he would have a dragon call...

Spoiler:

Detect Magic on the items. A move action in there somewhere too.. Toward said items.

Draken Frosthand

(Ops, sorry.)

From his highter position, Spizzle looks as the enemy falls, and smiles at the triumph. Moving on the back of his mount to a new place, along his companions.

Spoiler:

Full round action: move towards the Ifriver.

Rebonack

((Just to point out, I'll be doing the rolling and so forth.  All I need from you guys is a description of what you're characters are doing.))

The goodies are, as mentioned before, a ring and a hideously oversized spatula.  The ring may very well be useful.  Or it may be cursed, as things in the Dungeons of Doom™ have a troubling habit of being.  It's a nice ring, very shiny and made of polished copper.

Behind the door Grammald will be able to pick up the distinct sound of automated dough kneaders.  Whether a dirty old hermit is familiar with the sound such machines make remains to be seen.

As for Ifriver, he will discover that the ring has a weak aura of abjuration.  As for the spatula, it appears to be mundane.

As for Puff, he begins to fiddle around with the cash register.  There might be shinies inside it after all.  And with an audible ring it pops open, revealing a goodly store of copper, silver, gold, and platinum.  Ooohh...

Spoiler:

Standard action: Open register

Miatog

The Luggage opens up and rams into the wall, letting some pastries fall into him for later use. Perfectly good food can’t be let to waste now can it? Once the Luggage feels that it has enough food to last Threestem for a good long while, and maybe the rest of the party, he closes up.

Threestem walks over to the register and smiles at Puff. “Ah yes, good idea, we should pay for the pastries we’re taking shouldn’t we?” Pay? But the pastries are part of the loot. Someone should correct him…

((edit: sorry, forgot the action spoiler))
Spoiler:

Threestem: Move action: move behind counter.
Luggage: Full round action: Gather food.

Uberblah

((Err... Sorry.))

Grammald isn't real familiar with machines. He looks back to the group.
If it's of any interest, there's some odd metalic noises coming from behind this here door.

Spoiler:

Full round action: Speak to the group.

DeBunny

Deekin tilts his head, reaching down to claim the shiny ring before looking to Grammald and door.
Spoiler:


Action: Pick up ring.

Kyrian

Malik waits until the rest of the group moves.

Spoiler:

Wait.

Terumitsu

Well, Ifriver informes the party of his findings and then offered to make a bet with his familar. If it was cursed, he owed the psudodragon a gem encrusted tail ring. In other news, he blatently failed to notice the cash register being opened... Darned inatentive-ness.

Wait, never mind...

He was much too importaint to be concerned with a petty thing as money, though it would be nice to gather some up so that the less fortunate would be appeased if his shear charm was blunted by their blind eyes.

Spoiler:

Talk about ring. Make a side bet. Generaly be too awesome for this campaign.. Too awesome for this campaign... So awesome that-*Stops singing.*

Draken Frosthand

Spizzle pats his wolf in the head and offers it a snack.

Spoiler:

Full round action: Be nice to his animal companion.

Rebonack

Nothing terribly eventful happens just yet.  Though no doubt the party can expect interesting things to happen fairly soon.  There had been that warning siren that went off after all.  And such things usually attract the attention of other things.

Who knows what horrors luck in the bowels of an eeevil bakery.  Like... yeast oozes.  Or something.

For now Puff busies himself with fishing the more costly coins out of the coffer and storing them... somewhere on his person.  It really isn't quite clear where he is putting them, but apparently it's somewhere out of sight.

And apparently he's the only one who sees fit to respond to the dirty old hermit.

Then open it, silly!  See what's in there!

Apparently he isn't a terribly cautious creature in that regard.

Spoiler:

Loot loot loot the cash register!

Miatog

Threestem looks at Puff. “Why isn’t that theft? Are you sure it’s such a good idea, we don’t want any trouble with the good chefs of this bakery after all.”

The Luggage nudges Threestem and motions toward the ‘remains’ of the chef.

Threestem thinks for a moment. ”Well we don’t want any more trouble with them…the body is gone, maybe the rest of them will just leave us alone.”

The Luggage seems to shrug as he walks over to the door, ready to attack anything hostile.

Threestem moves a little closer to the door with his camera at the ready.

Spoiler:

Threestem: Talk to Puff about stealing. Move to 10 feet from the door.
Luggage: Move to the door. Ready Action: Attack anything hostile within 10 feet from the door.

Terumitsu

Well if nobody was going to do it... Alright men. Good show there. Now I suppose we do as we please with our reward and head onwards? I expected more 'Doom' than this but I suppose it cannot be helped... At the least I suspect we could take a few more provisions as well. Couldn't hurt more than the next dentist visit. I suspect at worst they would be dangerously sweet. But as soon as we are all done, we really must be off.

Spoiler:

post battle speech.

Uberblah

Grammald shrugs to Ifriver.
Alright. Just try not to get hurt too much early on. I'm trying to conserve spells.

Spoiler:

Full round action: Talk

Terumitsu

Ifriver smiled in that confident sort of way. Hah! If that was any measure of things to come, I doubt I will even need anything other than cantrips. Surely there is something worthy of testing my spells with down here. Otherwise I hate to think of the time I will have wasted. Now, while it was true that sorcerers did do these things to build power and all.. One would wonder if Ifriver was just a bit full of himself... And then reality would hit them and say "Duh!" In either case, he was apparently bored enough to make his glowing fingertips start making small light trails in the air. It certanly was amusing for a while at the least.
Spoiler:

More talking as a free action... or interrupted action if you please. And being rather full of himself as usual.

Kyrian

Spoiler:

Still waiting.

Uberblah

Grammald shakes his head at Ifriver.
I've adventured with plenty like you. They all died. Narcism is not a good quality to have on adventures such as this.

Spoiler:

Full round action: Be a wise old grump.

Terumitsu

Ifriver just gave him that sort of look that said, "And who are you to call me that?" but let it fall rather quickly as he decided to head for the east door. He would aim at opening it if nothing tried to stop him.

Spoiler:

Actualy doing something that involves exploration.. Open East Door

Draken Frosthand

Spizzle shakes his head at the bickering.

Spoiler:

Full round action: Shrug.

Rebonack

Of course it isn't stealing! the pseudodragon chides the tourist.  This is a dungeon.  You kill things in it that attack you and take their stuff.  This is the way these things work.  Everything down here is guarding the dreaded amulet of Yendor, which means they're all dreaded, horrible things.  Sure there might be something nice down here, but when someone is gnashing their teeth at you they usually aren't nice.

And with a huff the little lizard flaps over to Ifriver and lands lightly atop the man's head.  It looks rather cute it might be added.  Presently he's got his money set on some bread golems begin the door.  They'll be tasty.  Not as tasty as mice, mind you.  But tasty none the less.

Spoiler:

Move action: land on a sorcerer

DeBunny

Deekin, meanwhile, simply follows the flow of people, working out a method to tell the marvelous tale of the Great Baker Fight to his friends back at home.

Spoiler:

Move Action: Follow someone near the rear.

Uberblah

Grammald waits for the group to get moving and then takes up the rear. Since he cast Sanctuary on himself, he can't be attacked from a monster from behind the group and can alert the group when one tries.
Spoiler:

Move action: Follow everyone

Rebonack

So on the party treks through the door that wasn't terribly difficult to get open.  And into the mysteeeeeeerious hallway beyond it.  The passage happens to be lined with more than a few bags of flour and other odds and ends.  Said hallways heads off east for a while before jaunting down a bit of curviness and finally into another chamber.

This other chamber is filled with all manor of baking equipment.  Automated baking equipment.  And presently it's doing a lovely job of mixing and baking things.  Puff continues to ride on Ifriver's head, if only because that seems like a good place to ride.

Spoiler:



Map update!



Uberblah

Grammald looks around at the machines with skepticism. He's never trusted machines. Ever.

Spoiler:

Full round action: Look around at the machines skeptically.

Terumitsu

Aside from having the pimping +1 Pseudodragon cap of Chick Magnetism perched rather nicely on his head, Ifriver stepped into the mixing room after looking from side to side rather carefully to check out the area. If there was anything that looked harmful, he decided that he would not happen to step in the room and infact he would then take several steps rather quickly in the direction that has the least danger and the most meat shields.

Spoiler:

looks around from the enterence of the room before either stepping in or running back. Comments about his awesome pseudodragon-hat

Draken Frosthand

Spizzle attempts to pull some bread for himself to eat.

Spoiler:

Full round action: grab food.

DeBunny

Deekin quietly (and poorly) begins singing "Dary had a little flan" whilst going with the flow of peoples.
Follower, not a leader.

Spoiler:

Standard action: Sing off key.

Kyrian

Malik sticks with the group, not touching anything. Bad stuff happened when he touched things in dungeons.

Spoiler:

Look around

Miatog

Threestem doesn’t agree with the little dragon but doesn’t press the debate…at least not at the moment. He looks into the room as best he can from the hall and smiles. “I say…that machinery looks remarkable! I must see if they’ll let me take some of the equipment home as a souvenir. I wonder how much they would ask?”

The Luggage follows behind Ifriver, making sure to take point should there be anything harmful in the room. Threestem keeps within fifteen feet of the Luggage as always, his camera to his face and pictures being taken with no thought of danger at all.

Spoiler:

Threestem: Move action: Stay with in 15 feet of the Luggage
Standard Action: Take Pictures
Luggage: Move Action: Just inside the room, facing the most dangerous looking thing if there is any.

Rebonack

The party won't spy anything overtly menacing in the room.  At least not until they're all inside.  Once this takes place a quartet of rather oozy piles of dough slough out of the mixers and begin to burble at the band of adventurers.  No doubt they mean to inflict bodily harm on them.

Pretty much everything in these dungeons does, of course.

The +1 pimpin' pseudodragon hat chirps defiantly.  They don't look so tough!  We can take 'em!

Spoiler:

Map update!

DeBunny

Deekin gives a yip when he sees the menacing blobs of tastiness....and stays where he is near the door.

He'll let them come to him, thank you very much. Much safer that way.

And, you know, lets the meat shields get into position.

Spoiler:


Free action: Yip.

Uberblah

Grammald sighs and uses his summoning domain to turn one of his Cure Moderate Wounds into a Summon Monster II (Fiendish Wolf). The wolf goes to attack the nearest dough monster.

Spoiler:

Full round action (Grammald): Summoning Domain: Summon Monster II (Fiendish Wolf)
Full round action (Wolf): Attack nearest dough boy.



((If he can't summon the wolf because of the alignment, he'll summon a celestial eagle instead.))
Terumitsu

Taking a few steps Ifriver looked rather blandly at the gooey things. Well now.. It seems that the dough has been given too much time to rise... I suppose we should get to baking. What do you say about letting me take this one, Puff? he said as he made a motion like holding a rather large orb in his hands before rolling it out like a bowling ball. A moment later, an orb of bright green-blue flame barreled down upon the yeast beast.

Spoiler:

15 foot move action. NW. Cast Flaming Sphere. Sent it 15 feet north and 10 feet east to the closest monster.

Draken Frosthand

Sppizle steers his wolf to move as close as needed to allow him to blast one of the creatures with an orb of greenish, fel flames.

Spoiler:

Move Action: guide mount to approach.
Standard action: Fire fel energy from the hands at a nearby oponent!

Kyrian

Malik readies his hammer and waits for them to get closer.

Spoiler:

Ready weapon, and wait.

Miatog

What is Threestem’s response to the monsters? Do you really need to ask? “Oh my, I think the machines have begun to over flow with dough.” He’s completely unaware of the danger, as usual.

The Luggage seems to growl and be taunting the dough monsters, it even slows off his rows of teeth and very large tongue. He runs at the left most dough monster, opening his large…mouth…to bite down on thing.

Spoiler:

Threestem: Stay within 20 feet of the Luggage
Luggage: Move action: get in front of left most dough beast.
Standard Action: attack said dough beast.

Rebonack

With a bray of general nastiness the wolf charges one of the Bread Puddings and proceeds to rip a rather sizable chunk out of the thing.  To the point that it looks like it may have lost a rather important piece of itself.  How a giant mass of bread dough could have important parts isn't really clear, but that appears to be the case.

Puff pouts in response to being informed that he'll have to sit this one out, but is otherwise obedient.  The pseudodragon flaps over to a nearby mixing vat to watch the fight from a safe distance.  As for the great ball of fire it does a rather smashing job of setting one of the doughy beasts alight.  The delicious smell of baking bread fills the room.

Deekin does a wonderful job of hanging back away from all the nasty bread critters.

The pudding that had been savaged by the wolf decides to retaliate by lashing out with one of its pleasant smelling pseudopodium.  This results in the fuzzy critter getting knocked upside the head.  To be utterly honest I've seen commoners that can hit harder.

One of the puddings slowly slughs its way along the floor toward the part while a second rolls over toward the wolf and simply envelopes the poor thing.  How very icky.

Malik waits like a patient warrior guy as one of the nasty creatures sloughs it way around the giant mixing vat he was standing behind, giving him a perfect opportunity to charge the beast.  With a battle cry of berserker fury he leaps into the air and drives his war maul into the middle of its mass.  So great is the force of the barbarian's attack that the ooze simply explodes like an over-ripe boil.  Or possibly a pot-pie.  Either way, there are bits of doughy gunk all over the place.

The luggage skitters toward its opponent on those innumerable little legs before sinking its equally innumerable pointy teeth into the monster.  The ooze swats at it with its pseudopodium, but they simply shudder off its armored body harmlessly.

The remaining uninjured ooze pretty much sits where it is and burbles menacingly at the party.  And then comes rolling forward like a doughy flood and does its best to smother the brave gobbling wolf-rider.  Luckily for said wolf rider he and his mount manage to leap away from the attack.  Spizzle then retaliates with a blast of his sickly green flame.  This, of course, does a wonderful job of burning at the ooze.

Spoiler:

One exploded pudding and three maimed.  Of the Good guys only the summoned wolf has been injured.


Key:
Red @: The Addlebrained Tourist
Brown m: The Animated Luggage
Blue @: The Dirty old Hermit
Green @: The Seal-clubbing Berserker (possibly from the frozen northlands)
Purple @: The Egotistical Sorcerer
Green D: The Self-Absorbed Pseudodragon
Yellow k: Singing XP with Scales
Orange d: Fire-flinging Puppy Rider

Giant grey p: Three Servings of Bread Pudding
Giant red *:  A (goodness gracious) Great Ball(s) of Fire

Uberblah

Grammald sighs as his wolf gets attacked. The wolf, however, tries to get away from the Bread Pudding.

Spoiler:

Grammald: Sigh
Wolf: Full round action: Make grapple check

Miatog

The Luggage sees no reason to move from its location, in fact its going to attempt to swallow the large pile of dough into the mystery that is the inside of it. The Luggage is rather strong and it has perfected the art of eating large things whole so it figures that this should work well.

Threestem smells the ‘baking’ dough and smiles. “I say, doesn’t that bread just smell heavenly? We should buy some once it’s finished cooking.” Of course he doesn’t realize they’re fighting for their lives. He’s a tourist, it doesn’t have anything to do with him.

Spoiler:

Threestem: Free action: Stand around and talk about how good the bread smells.
Luggage: Full round action: Attempt to swallow the dough beast.

Terumitsu

The sorcerer didn't seem to notice the burbling mass of dough creeping upon until after he had rolled the Great Spicy Meatball over to another pre-bread pudding. There was only one thing to do when that happens... Usually it would involve a lot of yelling and screaming and running.... This was not very different sans the noise. There was plenty of running though, as Ifriver made a dash for the door and did a flying dive over the shiny little package of...er.. Over the Kobold. Budge up there if you please. he said to the tourist as he slid into the space right next to the rather situationally dispaced man.

Spoiler:

Rolled the sphere at the dough ooze directly west of it's starting position.
15 foot move action west to stand beside the tourist.

DeBunny

Deekin adjusts his pick and moves up towards the place where his sorcerer buddy was, boldly moving to hold off the pudding.
Maybe to offer melee death? Slow it down?
Something useful that hopefully doesn't involve dying?

Spoiler:


Move action: move to roughly the same spot the sorcerer used to be.

Draken Frosthand

Die foul beast of the pastry!

Spizzle shoots the greenish fel flames at the ooze again, and if possible, stirs his mount to go and take a bite out of it.

Spoiler:

Standard Action: Eldtritch Blast.
Move Action: order wolf to charge at same target of the eldritch blast.

(Not sur eif I can order this attack from the mount...

Kyrian

Malik gives another cry and rushes for the nearest pudding. Batter UP!

Spoiler:

Rush and swing like Mark McGuire chasing after a floating baseball.

Rebonack

Sadly the wolf doesn't manage to escape from the delicious dissert item.  This results in a fair bit of crushing of the poor animal.  The wolf is still functional, but it isn't looking so hot by this time.

As Ifriver flees the pudding nearest him seems to see fit to swat him upside the head with a doughy pseudopodium.  This probably smarts a fair bit, though the pliable nature of the creature's mass yields far less pain than a more solid member would deliver.  Puff seems to be content with keeping a comfortable distance from the monsters.

Mostly because he figures his teeny lil' stinger wouldn't do much good.  And the spicy meatball does a wondrous job of cooking one of the oozes a bit more.  The scent of fresh baked bread is even now filling the room.

The wee little kobold moves into the path of one of the filthy puddings.  What a brave little guy!

One of the remaining puddings, the most burned of them as the case happens to be, sloughs over to the berserker and begins to flail at him impotently with its flailin' limbs.  The attacks in question do a wonderful job of clanging off his armor and leaving it smelling of dough.

The ooze nearest the dirty old hermit swings a member at him only to have it shudder off the invisible barrier around him.  Sanctuary is useful like that.

The nearest pudding happens to be right next to Malik.  And he smites it most mightily.  The beastie doesn't explode like it did last time around, but it doesn't look very happy about the hammer wound.

The remaining pudding decides that now would be a wonderful time to try and swat Spizzle in the face.  Though it should be noted that it fails most miserably.  Nothing but air would be a succinct description.

Sadly the bread pudding manages to avoid getting drawn into the luggage's gullet.  Ah well, you can't eat 'em all.

Finally, good ol' Spizzel and his wolf do a great job of biting/blasting one of the puddings.

Spoiler:

Uberblah

((Uuuhhh.... the map isn't working... Or photobucket's on the fritz again...))

Grammald sighs and instead of wasting a spell to heal his wolf, he dismisses it.

Spoiler:

Full round action: Dissmiss wolf and be a grumpy old hermit.

Terumitsu

Glaring at the dreadful dough, Ifriver turned his attention back to his searing sphere. On a whim, he decided to make the fire burn pink this round and rolled the thing right into the nearest pudding. "At this rate we may be set for provisions all the way down." He remarked. It should be noted that his fingertips were still all nice and glowing, Sort of. If you could call the little geometric shapes of light appearing and fading around his hand as glowing. They were shiny at least. Looking at the Tourist, he had to wonder. "Well now good sir, perhaps it may just be me but... You don't seem to be the type to make a habit of poking around dank dungeons. What in the name of Boccob's bookmarks lead you here?"

Spoiler:

Moved the sphere to toast the nearest pudding. Did some silly things with colors and shapes. Chatted it up with the Tourist.

Draken Frosthand

Less chatter you two! We have a battle to win!

Spizzle spurs his mount away from his target, and once in place, he sends another orb of green flames against the pudding.

Spoiler:

Move action: back off 30 ft.
Standard action: Eldritch blast the pudding.

Kyrian

Malik seems slightly confused, that his attack didn't explode the creature....so he does it again.

Spoiler:

Swing swing swing the hammer of DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!


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